Here is a part of the recent book, “Here We Go Again; a Couples Guide to Happily Ever After” by Eva Sadowski, the relationship counsellor practicing in Squamish at Discover Counselling. The electronic edition was published on the Amazon this spring and it’s an inspiring read for anyone being in a relationship or wanting a successful one, anyone striving to save or improve their intimate relationship or marriage.
We often look for happiness outside of ourselves. We think “if I only had this or that person or thing, everything would be fine. We think, if only this or that changed, my life would be perfect”. We don’t need a perfect life to be happy. What we need is to learn to be happy with our imperfections and in the middle of our problems. What we need to learn is to understand ourselves, take responsibility for our problems and their solutions and not let them run our lives.
The biggest misconception about maintaining a good marriage is the one of sacrifice. There is a strong belief that in order to have a happy, intimate relationship, we have to conform to our partner’s expectations, likes and dislikes and give up the parts of us that might be troublesome or even unacceptable to the other.
This misconception, of course, makes sense. From the beginning of our life, we adapt and form ourselves to the likes and dislikes of our parents, siblings, friends and society in order to be accepted and loved. We learn the ways to behave, the good manners and the methods of engagement with others and with the world at large. This “domestication process” never ends. We do the same in an intimate relationship from the very first encounter. We pretend, compromise, resign or negotiate. This give-and-take rule is supposed to make our life easier, more harmonious and happier. In fact, it ends up causing resentment, indifference, blame and weariness. It will also destroy (mask, hide) the love we have for both, ourselves and our partner (..)”
If you found it interesting, please check http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CJ3PD1G for the entire book.
To check out other blogs by Eva or Josef Sadowski, please visit http://discovercounselling.ca/?p=58924Ac